


Indulgence

by Amarantramentum



Series: The stars themselves cannot contain us [2]
Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Odyssey, Established Relationship, First Time, M/M, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 16:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18077327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amarantramentum/pseuds/Amarantramentum
Summary: Jarvan trusted Kayn with all of himself - his heart, his soul, and now even his very first taste of intimacy.





	Indulgence

**Author's Note:**

> This is 7,000 words of unedited, written-mostly-in-the-ungodly-hours-of-the-night fanfiction. You have been warned.

Jarvan sat on the edge of his bed, looking down at his thumbs as he twiddled them, his heart racing too-fast in his chest and his breath refusing to _quite_ fill his lungs the way it should. He supposed it was only natural to feel so anxious - it was only recently that he had even allowed himself the luxury of indulging in the more carnal of his thoughts, and while initially, he found himself terribly excited to consummate his relationship with Kayn, he now found the idea almost _terrifying_ in its realness. He had done all the necessary research and had prepared himself as best he could - both physically and mentally. And still…

There was a curt rap at the door, and he found himself being rudely awoken from his thoughts. Jarvan looked up at the door for a moment, caught between reverie and waking, before finally pulling himself away from his thoughts long enough to realise he should stand and let his friend – no, _fiancé_ – in. He gulped as he stood, legs still shaky and not quite obeying him still.

His heart, it seemed, refused to obey him too.

“C- coming!” he said, then winced at the way his voice cracked on the words. At the way they sounded much too loud, even if he had said them as he normally might, and his heart stopped for a moment out of fear they might wake the child in the adjoining room. Jarvan paused at the door to gather himself – take a deep breath as they had taught you as a child, and count to ten before exhaling once more. He had known Kayn all his life and it really was quite silly of him to be so terrified now, after all.

Jarvan opened the door and greeted Kayn with a soft smile. Oh, how beautiful he was – it was something Jarvan found himself thinking every time he looked upon his face, even if he rarely dared say it aloud. It was a face he had missed for several years and now that Kayn was back beside him, and alive, and well, he was determined to make the most of it. Indeed, he had proposed, and now…

His face warmed, although he was not quite certain whether it was because he had caught himself staring, or if it was because of the realisation of what they were doing.

“Sh- Shieda!” his voice squeaked as he said it, and again, he winced at how pathetic he sounded.

Kayn chuckled. “Can I come in? Or do you intend on keeping me waiting here?”

Internally, Jarvan cursed his lack of manners and stepped aside to allow Kayn to enter his living quarters. His gaze glued itself stubbornly to the ground as if somehow that would absolve him of his rudeness and erase the overwhelming embarrassment he felt. “O- of course. I apologise.”

Kayn stepped into the room but stopped beside him to put a hand under his chin and coax him to look up. Jarvan did so, hesitantly, meeting his steel-grey eyes with his own for a moment before shyly looking away. It was much too much – too intense, too real, too intimate. Even if he craved Kayn’s touch and the intimacy in it, he could not help the way his heart clenched painfully with every passing moment, nor the way his breath held for the minutes that felt as if they ticked by.

Shakily, Jarvan exhaled, intending on asking what Kayn wished of him when he closed in and kissed him softly instead. It felt as if his mind had shorted out – struck by lightning, or indeed by the gods themselves. His eyes closed as he lost himself in the sensation. The press of Kayn’s lip against his own. The way his heart felt as if it might burst from his chest with all the warmth and love he felt for Kayn. The way his hand curled around Kayn’s shoulder and held him there – caught midway between too close and too far.

The kiss ended, too soon yet too long.

Shyly, Jarvan looked at Kayn and smiled. “I missed you all day.”

“Tell me more,” Kayn grinned. “What did you miss?”

“I-” Jarvan felt his cheeks warm as he struggled to find the words to answer Kayn’s question. What was there he did not miss? He missed his smile, his touch, his laughter, his teasing words, his kisses, his fingers entwined with his, and the little endearments he used. He found himself unable to word a single part of those sentiments, however, and instead stood dumbly there, stuttering little squeaky noises as he stared at Kayn again.

Finally, he looked away. “I missed all of you. Everything.”

Kayn grinned widely, equal parts amused at how terribly difficult Jarvan found it to voice his affections at times, how redness had spread over his cheeks and now dusted his ears too, and how endearing he found the man. He leant in, close enough to nuzzle the baby hairs at Jarvan’s neck and whisper into his ear. “I’m here now, honey.”

Jarvan shuddered almost imperceptibly, then nodded shakily. “Y- yeah.”

Kayn hushed him gently. “It’s okay.”

“I- I know.” Jarvan leant forward to press his forehead to Kayn’s shoulder and hide his face in his chest. It felt so safe, close to Kayn as he was now and to touch him. To be able to press himself into him and know he was there – the rock to which he had anchored himself for much of his life, the man who served as his guiding light, the star which always lit up the darkness in his life, offering peace, comfort, advice, and all the love one ever would need. He sniffled quietly and pressed a kiss to Kayn’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

Jarvan smiled playfully and shyly took Kayn’s hand, guiding it up to rest softly over his heart. “I waited for you all day, love. Thinking of all the… the things we might do….”

“Oh?” Kayn sounded amused. Imagine the straight-laced Emperor thinking of anything so filthy as sex! What a thought indeed. “What sort of things?”

He flushed once more. What was it with Kayn and somehow breaking down every defence he had built up, every wall, every last bit of propriety and shame until he was willing to drown himself in sin if it meant he could remain beside him just a moment longer? The people of the Demaxian Empire long had given up on such outdated beliefs, yet Jarvan found himself clinging to tradition all the same. Perhaps it simply as a sense of misguided romanticism – to save oneself for one’s greatest and only love – but was that not what this now was…? Perhaps it was not so misguided after all.

Yet nonetheless, here they were, bending the rules until they snapped as dust in Jarvan’s hands.

“K- kissing…”

Kayn laughed. “Still caught up on the kissing? We have kissed many times since our first already, my dear. I wonder if there will be a day when it doesn’t bother you anymore.”

Jarvan looked up shyly at him, his bottom lip pressing out ever-so-slightly in a pout that came naturally to him, but only when Kayn was being particularly teasing toward him. He truly was trying to overcome the… innocence of all his life, oblivious even to what might happen if he had allowed himself to indulge in those hormonal dreams he once had rather than subjecting himself to long, cold showers and recitations of the lore of the gods. Indeed, a part of him knew he never would have been convinced to stray from the celibate life he had committed himself to were it not for Kayn.

Kayn stopped laughing long enough to press another kiss to Jarvan’s lips, wanting to soothe the sting of his words with the gentle gesture. “I’m only joking, my dear. Don’t worry.”

Jarvan pouted at him a moment longer, before smiling good-humouredly. Between them, Kayn was the one who knew of such things and he imagined it must be a terribly simple matter to tease him about them, even if it was… _Embarrassing_.

“I imagined… I had to research what kinds of things people do when they are intimate, you know. I- I mean, I knew the basics, of course, but I had not imagined that… there were so many things that one could do with another behind closed doors. Nor how ardently some would speak of the experience! It… It was terribly embarrassing to read, Shieda… The- The things two people might do… More than kissing, I mean. W- without their clothes and the such…”

“Such as…? What caught your eye?”

Jarvan gulped. “I- I would not know! Is… Is it true that the- the…” He gestured to his behind with a wave of his hand, much too embarrassed to say it aloud. “That is it… Pleasurable…?”

“Do you want to try?”

Jarvan looked away with a small nod. “I- if you would not find it objectionable. I- I am yours, Shieda. My heart, my body, and my soul are all yours if you demand it. I… I would do anything for you, try anything for you. E- even… Even this.”

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I… I would say so if I found it… terribly… frightening or distasteful, I swear it.”

Kayn smiled softly and pressed a kiss to Jarvan’s cheek. “It’s very brave of you to try.”

While they spoke, Jarvan’s face had cooled from a radiating, red heat to a much milder dusting of pink, yet once more, he felt his mind swim with the heat of his embarrassment. It was absolutely indescribable – the utter shame of his reaction and the odd _reaction_ he felt to his words – how drawn he felt toward Kayn in that moment and how weak he felt, as if he might collapse at any moment to his knees. He swallowed thickly and willed the sensation away, closing his eyes as if that could block it out of his mind.

“T- thank you.”

A soft hand stroked Jarvan’s cheek. “Let’s go to your room. Unless you want to do it here…”

Jarvan looked at Kayn with shock at the daring of his words. Of course they would… indulge in the privacy of his room – if not, he feared he might never be able to face their children again, knowing they had done such things in a place shared by all of them.

“Of course not!” he hissed, removing Kayn’s hand from his chest and tugging him toward the bedroom.

It was a simply decorated room, with a bed pushed to the centre of the far wall and a desk where he often brought his paperwork in secret even when his advisers insisted he return to rest. Perhaps it was a terrible habit of his, but he wished not ever leave something undone lest it bring ruin or harm to the people within the Empire for nothing more than his own lack of effort.

He winced now as he lead Kayn into the room, for his desk was still strewn with the paperwork he brought with him the night prior, and even without looking behind him, he could feel Kayn’s exasperated gaze set upon him.

“Jarvan…” Kayn spoke with a familiar tone of voice – the one which accused him of ignoring his own health to complete his duties. He knew it was foolish of him to do so, yet a part of him refused always to obey. It almost was a compulsion to him. An… abject _need_ to ensure that nothing ever happened to the men under his care, for once he had seen how his foolishness and arrogance could bring about ruin.

“I know. I… I am sorry, Shieda. May we speak of it another time…?”

Kayn sighed. “Later.”

Jarvan smiled agreeably, glad he did not wish to press the issue any further. “I promise.”

They sat on the edge of the bed, and Jarvan found himself uncertain as to what they might do next. It was not that did not know what might happen next – he no longer had the benefit of such an excuse – but that he found himself caught in inaction out of a fear he might offend Kayn or mess up terribly. After all, it hardly was as if he knew very much about it. It hardly was as if he knew anything at all when compared to Kayn…

Kayn pushed him gently back to lay down on the bed, his legs hanging awkwardly over the edge. Jarvan obliged obediently, falling back with a soft thump of his head against the soft covers as he looked up uncertainly at the man whom he loved. There was a mischievous smile playing upon Kayn’s lips and something in his gut twisted at the thought of what might happen next.

Kayn leant over him to take his lips into a gentle kiss, and all the tension within him finally melted away, as if drawn away by that kiss. Jarvan’s hand slowly – _shyly_ – reached up to rest on Kayn’s shoulder, as if it alone could support all his weight. As if he could not decide if he wished for Kayn to draw closer still, or remain a somewhat respectable distance away.

Jarvan’s breath shuddered with each exhale as the kiss ended. He looked up with a shy smile as his other hand reached up to trace the curve of Kayn’s cheek.

“I love you,” he whispered.

Kayn looked away, uncertain. Jarvan sighed softly and reached up to cup his cheek and turn his attention back to him. He knew how terribly difficult he found it to echo the sentiment, even if he knew how deeply the affection he held for him in turn. It mattered not to him, for he knew the truth deep within his heart, and he cared to say it aloud only to ensure Kayn never forgot it, and never out of a need to hear him say it back.

“There is no need to say it to me if it is too difficult to.” He smiled softly. “I know how you feel in turn. I do not wish to make you feel as if you are pressured to say it back.”

Kayn smiled thankfully and leant in closer to kiss him once more. Between them, Kayn’s hand reached up to push the edges of Jarvan’s cloak from his shoulders so it rested awkwardly over his sleeves. Slowly, Kayn moved from his lips to kiss softly over his cheek, to his jaw, and finally at his neck. His hand was gentle as he pulled the collar of his shirt down and his lips were soft as they nibbled at the skin there, and Jarvan, finding himself already drawn too thin and overwhelmed by the sensation, tilted his head to the side with a shuddering sigh.

“Shieda,” he mumbled. “It- It feels… pleasant.”

He could feel Kayn’s lips curl into a smile at his neck. It send a spark up his spine, to know that something he did pleased him so. Everything felt so warm and soft – the mattress beneath him, Kayn’s hand slowly undoing the front of his suit, the lips at his skin – that his mind could not quite wrap itself around the idea. Jarvan found himself unsure as to what to do with his hands, and so let them both fall to the covers.

Should he perhaps play with Kayn’s hair as sometimes he was fond of doing? Place a hand to his hip? Or rest one on his waist or back? It felt odd, to be cursed to inaction while Kayn kissed him so – made his mind swim with his touch, his breath making his skin prickle with goosebumps and his kisses making Jarvan melt with so little effort. He turned his gaze awkwardly to look at Kayn – truly take him in, the way his fringe fell over his face and the little baby hairs which curled toward his neck.

“I- is it not uncomfortable to lean over so? I could… lay on the bed properly…”

Kayn made a soft affirmative noise and kissed him again – licking a hot stripe over his neck before kissing the same place wetly. He grinned down at him with a playful smile before finally pulling away so Jarvan could reorient himself. 

How obscene! Jarvan found himself gaping at Kayn instead, caught somewhere between wanting to tell Kayn off for being so inappropriate and wishing for him to do so again. His heart pounded in his chest anew, and his breath struggled to find its way into his lungs, for it was terribly new and terribly shameful! Was that the nature of the… thing they now were edging towards, Jarvan shy and embarrassed and uncertain, and Kayn as always being the rock to which he anchored himself. The one to lead him into new uncertainties and such… exciting things too.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kayn chuckled and leant down to press his forehead to Jarvan’s. “I might be tempted to do it again.”

Jarvan hesitated for just a moment.

“I would not hold it against you if you did.”

Kayn laughed wholeheartedly at that. “I didn’t think you had it in you to be so obscene.”

“O- only when it comes to you,” Jarvan replied with a soft smile. “I love it when you are so close to me, no matter whether it is in an innocent capacity, or a more… _obscene_ one.”

He pushed Kayn back gently, so he could sit up and kiss him properly once more. His lips moved shyly against Kayn’s, trembling ever-so-slightly with the embarrassment and intimacy of what they did now. Nonetheless, it felt a revelation to be so free with his affections, to be able to be so daring at all.

Perhaps it was terribly obvious how he felt in the soft grin on his face, for Kayn cupped his cheeks in his palms and planted yet another kiss on his lips before finally letting him go. “Don’t forget to take off your coat. It’ll only get in the way.”

Jarvan nodded stiffly, knowing it to be true yet nonetheless wishing to hold on to any last vestige of decency he might have remaining. It was not that he did not desire Kayn in the carnal manner – quite the opposite – but how terribly exposed he felt already. A part of him thought deliriously how it felt as if Kayn’s gaze alone could strip him free of clothes and propriety both until he was nothing more than that heart that beat within him, so full of adoration for Kayn that if often felt as if it might burst from the adoration alone.

He slid the cloak from his shoulders, bundling it carefully in his arms and setting it to the side before taking off his coat too. Jarvan wished to fold this up, too, every bit as carefully as he had his coat, yet Kayn seemed to have run out of patience, for he took it from him and carefully threw it over his shoulder, pushing Jarvan back to the bed and manhandling him so he lay vertically on the bed, then leant over him to take his lips once more before Jarvan could protest.

Jarvan found himself wanting to protest the treatment of his coat – it was something he really enjoyed wearing, and treating it so disrespectfully…! Yet he could not, Kayn kissing him insistently as if he could read precisely what was on Jarvan’s mind and wished to distract him until he gave up or forgot about it.

Internally, Jarvan sighed and turned his attention toward Kayn’s own clothing instead, his hand clumsy as he ran it over the curves of Kayn’s muscles, over his chest, and finally resting at his neck, his thumb playing with the collar where it lay flat against his skin. Kayn’s lips curled in amusement against Jarvan’s, and he was overwhelmed with the desire to somehow disappear into the mattress and never reappear again, out of the shame of what he had just done.

Yet Kayn’s body kept him held there. Pinned to the bed in body and soul as he found his attention captured wholly by the kisses he gave him and his presence so close to him.

“You’ll have to take off your shirt eventually,” Kayn pointed out when finally he relented and sat back on his heels to allow Jarvan a moment to catch his breath. Jarvan’s cheeks were pink and his chest heaved as he propped himself up on his elbows.

“I- is that what you want to see? Now?”

“I’m just saying. Unless you’d like to get your clothes dirty.”

Jarvan wrinkled his nose. While a childish part of him had wanted to keep his shirt on a moment longer, if only out of spite, he was not one for uncleanliness. Indeed, he despised to leave his clothes on the floor, let alone allow them to become stained with sweat and… whatever else might occur… without reason.

“Fine. B- but only if you do the same! I cannot be the only naked one here.”

Kayn laughed. “It’s only a shirt, Jarvan. Surely, you’ve seen shirtless men before.”

Jarvan’s cheeks grew redder once more as he shook his head. “I- I always thought it too…”

“…Too inappropriate…?”

He nodded slowly, shame making his head swim. Oh, why could he not simply sink into the bed and never rise again?

Kayn’s chuckle was fonder this time, as he brushed Jarvan’s hair from his face and leant in close to press his forehead to Jarvan’s. “We’re engaged now, Jarvan. It’s okay to… indulge in inappropriate things. Remember the first time we kissed, and you thought that was too inappropriate too? It’s just like that. It might have been too inappropriate to kiss me when we were just friends, or to see me shirtless then too, but now we’re engaged. We’ll be married soon. These are just… natural aspects of that.”

Jarvan bit his lip and nodded. “I- I know that! It is simply… it is very new to me. I… I feel as if I might… Die of shame or just… I do not know. Every time you kiss me, I feel as if I will simply… Melt in your arms. I- I know it sounds terribly corny, but I… Oh gods…”

He covered his face with both his hands, too embarrassed to continue speaking. It was much too much, and he no longer could contain the utter horror.

Kayn hushed him gently and held him close, carding his fingers through his hair. “Does it feel good?”

“Y- yes.”

“Then that’s the most important thing. Maybe it feels too much because you’re… _you_ , but… you’ll get used to it. And… We’ll get to do something fun together.”

Jarvan bit his lip and snuck a glance up at Kayn. “D- do I need to take off my pants too?”

“Not yet, if you don’t want to.”

He was silent for a moment. “I… I would like to keep them on a moment longer. Just so I can imagine… I am still… proper… In some regard.”

“You’ll always be proper, Jarvan. Just… not _always_.”

Javran flushed as he slowly pulled his shirt over his head, revealing pale skin and the curves of his muscles. When he looked up, Kayn already had taken his own shirt off – once again, thrown carelessly on the ground, although Jarvan dared not speculate if it was truly out of an impatience to touch him. The thought seemed ridiculous to him – that someone would ever find him so desirable they set aside all sense of properness simply to touch him.

And yet. And yet was that not precisely what they were doing now?

“Y- you look…” Jarvan gulped, finding himself caught between the desire to look away and preserve all sense of properness and the desire to keep staring, for he truly did find Kayn to be _breath-taking_ in every aspect of his being.

“I look…?” That playful grin had returned once more.

“B- beautiful? Breath-taking. Stunning. S- so terribly handsome…”

Kayn smiled widely and kissed him. “Flatterer.”

“O- only when it comes to you, Shieda!” Jarvan protested. “And only because it is true…”

Kayn hummed and pushed Jarvan back down on the bed so he could kiss him. Between them, his hand snuck up to trace Jarvan’s chest, trailing over his breastbone and the curve beneath his pec, before teasing Jarvan’s nipple with a fingertip tracing around it. Jarvan looked at him with a wide-eyed face of shock as Kayn pinched it gently.

“D- do that again..?” Jarvan asked in a hushed voice.

Kayn grinned and obliged. This time, a soft, almost imperceptible noise left Jarvan’s lips despite how he bit on his lower lip in an attempt to muffle anything that might escape from him. Kayn leant over to kiss at his neck and shoulder, alternating between filthy licks which made Jarvan’s heart pound in his chest and soft nibbling which stopped his mind from wandering too far from what was happening before him now.

Slowly, he kissed a trail from Jarvan’s shoulder and across his chest, leaving a wet, pinking line of his affections in his wake. Jarvan looked down at it in wonder, finding it to be not nearly as horrifying as he had expected. Indeed, he found himself unable to look away at it – a very physical proof of Kayn’s affections toward him that made his chest warm and Jarvan wish to lean up and pull Kayn into a hug.

He looked up at him hesitantly, before he did precisely that, holding Kayn to his chest as he grinned and pressed his nose to his temple.

“I love you,” he said softly, his voice breaking with emotion. Indeed, he felt his chest shudder with the need to cry, and he sniffled shamefully as he let Kayn go, unwilling to hold him there while he felt so fragile he might shatter with a single kind word or gentle touch. And yet, as Kayn held him gently to him in turn, it felt as if somehow he was keeping him put together once more – held together with little more than tape, perhaps, but kept together all the same.

“Is it too much?” Kayn wiped the tears from Jarvan’s cheek.

“A- a little.” Jarvan nodded and tried desperately to ignore the warmth staining his cheeks once more. “S- sorry… I… I am fine, I promise. I just… I never imagined I would… Be so close with another that I would desire to… And you are treating me so well that I… I cannot… Sorry….”

Kayn shook his head with a soft smile. “Feeling better?”

Jarvan nodded wordlessly, afraid he might make the situation worse. There were so many things swimming about in his mind – shame, embarrassment, excitement, happiness, love, and perhaps most confusing of all: _arousal_. He never had allowed himself to even indulge in the sensation, and yet he felt it now – waned a little in the interim, but there nonetheless. A slight pressure between his thighs that refused to let go of his attention.

“M- may we continue…?”

He held his breath, horrified at the prospect that perhaps he had ruined their evening.

“Of course.”

When Jarvan exhaled, it felt as if the world was swimming around him.

Shyly, he looked up at Kayn and hummed softly, wondering if perhaps he could touch Kayn in turn too. He knew, of course, how hands felt on his own skin, yet he wondered – how would it feel to touch another? Would Kayn enjoy his touch? Was there places that made him, too, whine softly and flush, or would he need to grow more skilled in… intimate matters… in order to discover such things?

He raised his hand quietly, and Kayn caught it before he could allow it to fall back down to his side, indecision and terror forcing him to freeze. Kayn looked at him, and that alone was enough to imbue within him the strength to instead shyly continue his hand’s ascent toward Kayn’s chest, where it lay, curved over his unclothed chest, and slowly moved down, over his pecs and down over his belly until it rested with the heel of his palm just a few centimetres shy of the hem of Kayn’s pants.

Jarvan looked away, embarrassed he had dared to do such a thing, yet when Kayn caught his hand once more and brought it up to his lips to kiss, he found himself thinking that perhaps it was not such a bad thing he had found himself being so daring after all. He smiled up at him, overwhelmed yet immensely glad all the same, and Kayn responded in kind, before leaning back down once more.

This time, he kissed not Jarvan’s lips, nor his neck, instead assaulting his belly with a flurry of soft kisses. Jarvan could not help but giggle at the sensation, his hands reaching down to gently push Kayn away as tears gathered in the corners of his eyes once more and his breath left him. It was a few moments more before Kayn relented, climbing back over his body to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Do you think you can take off your pants now?” Kayn’s finger trailed over the centre of his belly, dipping momentarily into his navel and following his happy trail until it rested just shy of the top of his pants.

Jarvan gulped, feeling suddenly much too unsure of himself and whether he could stand such a thing. He looked uncertainly toward Kayn, whose gaze held nothing but endless patience for him. Oh, by the gods, how had he ever deserved such a loving man in his life? Someone who cared not only for him in body, but in heart and soul too. Someone who he easily could say completed him, and encouraged him always to be the best person he could be, not only for himself and for the Empire, but so those he loved could always be able to say they were proud to love him.

Hesitantly, he nodded. “O- okay.”

Kayn cupped Jarvan through his pants and squeezed gently as he pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “You’ll be okay, I promise.”

Jarvan exhaled with a smile. While he knew that it was ridiculous to imagine the gods striking him down for this act now, it nonetheless had plagued his mind for the past little while, distracting him from Kayn – his pale skin against his own, his lips doing terribly sinful things that Jarvan only could imagine would only grow all the more sinful, and his skilled fingers playing him like a fiddle. And yet with that single sentence…

With that single sentence, he thought that perhaps he would live through this after all. Perhaps it was not so bad to wish to consummate his love for Kayn. After all, he felt much the same way, and… Was that not the most important thing?

Jarvan shifted uncomfortably as Kayn pulled his pants down his legs, looking down in mild horror as he noticed how blatant his _interest_ in the situation was. He hid his face behind his hands once more – and only flushed all the more when he heard Kayn’s chuckle in response. Although he could not see what was happening, he certainly could _feel_ it, and what he felt only made his cheeks redden more and his heart race to impossible speeds.

Kayn’s hand was warm and dry as his hand encircled his length, squeezing it gently in his grasp. He could imagine the playful smile on his lips as he did so – his eyes gentle, yet his lips belying the mischievousness he surely felt at being able to do such _defiling_ thing to him. Jarvan peered between his fingers to see precisely that – and yet he felt no shame in it. Only a deep adoration for the man who always was so patient with him and his odd proclivities and teased him endlessly yet adored him so clearly too.

“I- I read it is better with… with lubrication.”

Kayn chuckled, amused. “Do you have any?”

Jarvan nodded and gestured toward the nightstand with his elbow. “I did not wish to… I wished to be as prepared as I could. In… In case…”

Kayn pressed a soft kiss to his temple. The mattress dipped beneath them as Kayn leant over to rummage through the nightstand and found the lubricant. He heard the sound of the cap snapping open, and the wet sound of it pouring out onto Kayn’s hands as he spread it over his hands.

Trapped in the darkness behind his eyes and still not quite willing to remove that final layer of defence, Jarvan’s mind wandered – reflecting upon how gentle Kayn was now. How much he wished to lean up and kiss him softly and thank him for loving him. How much he desired to hold him and simply _be_ , close to the man whom he adored and simply basking in his closeness and presence. How pleasant it was to know he loved him in turn-

He found his thoughts behind rudely interrupted by Kayn’s hand once more taking him in a gentle grip. This time, he stroked him gently, slowly at first, so Jarvan might grow accustomed to the sensation, then slowly growing quicker in pace and ever-so-slightly tightening in grip. Jarvan found himself both wishing to pull away – it was too much, too intimate, too good – and yet wishing also to press his hips toward the touch and beg for more.

It was when Kayn’s thumb brushed over that place just beneath the head that he truly _moaned_ , a soft noise that ended in a gasp as finally, his hands fell away from his face and he arched into the touch ever-so-slightly. Tears gathered in the corner of his eyes as he clamped a hand over his mouth and looked over at Kayn in mortification, who only grinned and did it again. He relished in the sight before him: Jarvan’s eyes fluttering closed as he gave in to the sensation once more and gasped.

He continued his ministrations, enjoying very much how helpless Jarvan felt in his hands.

Indeed, Jarvan felt much the same way – as if he were a sheet of fabric, pulled apart to the seams by Kayn’s touch, yet all the same, he held him together with gentle hands that bade him not to shatter quite yet. He was made and unmade all the same. He was _weak_ for all that Kayn wished to offer him, and here he was, basking in all the attention he gave.

“Relax, okay?” Kayn’s voice pulled him from his reverie once more, the gentle warmth fading until it was something he finally could withstand. Until he finally found the pieces of himself that had drifted apart in Kayn’s hands.

Jarvan made a soft, affirmative noise, then started and yelped when a slick finger traced the the cleft of his behind. He looked at Kayn with wide, uncertain eyes, yet Kayn seemed not to mind at all, instead hushing him with all the patience of a man who had grown accustomed to how easily startled Jarvan could be.

“Take a deep breath for me.”

Jarvan nodded and hastily obeyed. It was then that Kayn slid his finger ever-so-slightly into him, so that the very tip of his finger pressed within. Jarvan pulled a face – it did not feel very comfortable at all!

Kayn gave him a knowing look and pressed his thumb to that place that stole Jarvan’s breath and made his entire body tingle.

“Another deep breath. Don’t stop.”

Jarvan obeyed, and slowly, Kayn managed to press the entirety of his finger within him. Jarvan scrunched his face at the odd sensation – whilst entirely novel and even the tiniest bit uncomfortable, it was hardly as if it _hurt_ , a fact for which he was immensely grateful. All the while, he was careful to maintain the even pattern of his breaths – ten seconds in, hold for a few, then another ten seconds out again – and he wondered if perhaps that was to distract him from whatever pain he might feel.

Slowly, Kayn pulled his finger away and pressed it in once more, as if to simulate another… action which made Jarvan’s face burn. Yet as he continued, the discomfort slowly faded and once more, Jarvan found himself once more caught up in the sensations – the slowly-growing tension between his legs, the way his thighs shook with the sensation, the soft gasps which left him despite the way he bit his lip, and he way his hands curled in the covers.

“Sh- Shieda…” he whimpered. His eyes stared up uncertainly at him. Oh gods, what was the sensation building up within him? A part of him wished to shrink away from the sensation between his trembling thighs, yet he could not.

Kayn turned his attention to him. A moment passed, then he hushed him gently. “It’s okay.”

“But…”

Kayn smiled at him and continued his ministrations. “You’re okay.”

Jarvan gulped and nodded hesitantly. He let his head fall back to the bed and closed his eyes, allowing the sensations to wash over him. The way his breath hitched every time Kayn touched him _just so_ , the odd pleasure between his thighs, the solidness of Kayn’s body in contrast to how strung out he felt, how his thighs trembled until finally they gave out…

Jarvan groaned lowly as the tension finally gave way to blissful nothing.

It was several moments before finally, he came down from the endless softness. He was vaguely aware of the odd absence of Kayn’s finger within him, and the final gentle squeeze before Kayn’s hand finally retreated from his body. Yet Jarvan yearned still for his touch, and frowned, his hand reaching out shakily for him.

“I’m right here,” Kayn chuckled and leant in to push the strands of Jarvan’s hair which had become plastered to his forehead away from his face, then kissed him softly. “You did very well.”

A part of Jarvan warmed at the praise, and he felt a grin cross his face without even wishing to. Everything felt so… soft and not quite there, yet it did not bother him at all. He could not stop smiling up at Kayn with a dopy, out-of-it grin. He wrapped his arms around him and pulled him closer, so Kayn fell atop him, yet it did not matter at all.

“I love you!”

Kayn chuckled and pressed a kiss to his temple. “Enjoy yourself?”

“Very much so. Thank you, Shieda,” he replied much more sombrely. “H- how may I return the favour?”

Kayn smiled mischievously down at him and gathered Jarvan’s legs together, then rested them on the side, draped over his lap. Jarvan looked down at his thighs with a confused look, then back up at Kayn, uncertain as to how that might help him. Then he heard the fastenings of Kayn’s pants being undone and found his attention being drawn to whatever he was doing.

His face reddened once more, and his heart quickened in pace as he watched Kayn press his hips forward, and gasped as he watched his tip peek out just barely between his thighs. Jarvan gaped up at him, yet Kayn only grinned and began thrusting between his thighs. It was an odd sensation indeed, yet Jarvan found himself unable to look away, his attention being drawn between his thighs and Kayn’s expression – eyebrows drawn together and teeth gritting as he sought release.

Yet somehow, it was the soft grunts and gasps which made Jarvan’s ears burn the most. Oh gods, he could feel his arousal being piqued again just from that alone, even if his body was not quite yet ready to show its interest in such things again.

Jarvan reached over shyly to entangle his fingers with Kayn’s where his hand rested atop his leg and smiled softly at him. “I- I love you, Shieda.”

It was terribly embarrassing to do so, yet he could not help but keep his eyes on him with a soft smile, all the adoration within him feeling as if it might overflow. Oh, it was terribly alluring, to see him like so, and when Kayn spilt between his thighs, his come joining the cooling mess on his stomach and dribbling between his legs, his mind wondered briefly how it might feel if instead, it happened… elsewhere.

Kayn leant over him and breathed heavily as he cupped Jarvan’s cheek and kissed him deeply.

“T- thank you, Shieda,” Jarvan whispered when the kiss ended. “I… I never would have had the courage to indulge in such… in such things were it not for you. I… I enjoyed it. Very much. And I… I hope… There are many things that I still… I mean…!”

He covered his face with his hands again, absolutely mortified by his inability to voice his feelings.

Kayn chuckled fondly. “Who would have ever imagined the Emperor being capable of such indulgence?”

“O- only when it comes to you, Shieda. You… I wish to do everything and anything, so long as it is with you. It might have been… terribly frightening initially, yet… Yet it was… very fun. I am glad to have… done this with you. A- and I… I suppose… it is alright to indulge when you are involved. You _are_ my fiancé, after all…”

He cupped Kayn’s cheek and pulled him closer for a kiss.

“…And for that… For everything… I am thankful.”


End file.
